dEEliciously dorky

1:02pm: Gay Computer
Well my computer is working again. It crashed because of a virus, if you didn't know. My summer went by FAST!! I can't believe it's already July and I have to go back to school in about a month. I've super busy this summer it's crazy!! So far I've done something ever day either going to my Dad's house or going to camp I haven't had time to think. I just got back from Michigan yesterday. It was pretty fun for only being in the 50's most of the time. Oh, one day it got to 70 something so my Dad took my brother, my sister, and me to the beach. I got sun burnt on my back and it's so funny because where my bikini top ties it's white. So I have two big white circles on my back. Get to go to day camp again next week and then I go to resident camp the week after that! :D Resident camp's gonna be FUN, but I haven't gone in two or three years so it'll be weird being at camp for two weeks straight without see friends or family. I also have to finish pack my stuff before I left for resident camp because I'm moving to a new house. I hate moving it sucks!! Thank God I don't have to move schools again. I hate that more than I hate moving. Changing schools is awful you have to leave your friends and hope to God that you'll fit in at new school. If you don't fit you have to act like your something your not so you can get to friends. There is one good thing to switching nobody knows about the crap that happened to you at your old school or anything like that because they only know what you tell them. I don't have much to say if can't tell that by my rambling on about stupid crap.
Oh, before I forget ... whoever commented on 6/20 [lol...u dorkyporky (yep thats you) remember we hate each other? well ill just leave u guessing because you probably have a lot of haters. i go to center grove and gosh i must say.... you are pathetic !!
<3 your #1 hater/stalker (whatever way u wanna look at it feel blessed i commented bc ur friends r dead)] ok that's freaky!

2:14pm: Freaky
Yesterday in Health class we watched a movie on eating disorders and disordered eating and well in had all the symptoms of one. Before I was just assuming I did, but apparently I have one. If I were to tell my mom she'd say I just want attention or something. I told one of my friends about the movie and the symptoms. She was like 'but you don't have an eating disorder. you don't have one. do you?' I said 'well I guess I do.' Then she walked away. I think I'm kinda over that Brian guy I liked, but I falling for Sean now. I thought I'd never like him, but that's what I thought about Neil. God I wish I could get a guy to like me back. Am I really so ugly that no guy likes me? Or am I just too like hot? Lol I think it's the first one more than the second one. I really don't think I'm pretty or anything, but I know I'm not butt-ugly. I'm more ugly than pretty though. I was looking at my friend, Jen's, yearbook from last year and the guys I like, Brain and Sean, look SO freaking funny, but in a cute way. Brian looks just the same, but with a different hair style, he had it gel, but not anymore. Sean looks so much better now. He grow his hair out a little more and he looks better now. Wow I sound like I'm obsessed with them. Lol I'm not I just have a hugh crush. That's all a little harmless crush. Well ok I'm going to stop about that now. God they're hot ... ok NOW I'm done. Well at least for this entry because I need to start searching for info on the jellyfish for Biology.

8:05pm: Crap
I made my friend cry on Firday. I felt SO bad I could bearly eat and if you know me I eat all the time. I realy pissed her off! I thought she was gonna kill me. I got back for King's Island today. It was fun! I fell a little better about making her cry and stuff. I don't have much to say. I just fell REALLY crappy.

5:33pm: *crys*
I found out today that the guy I like DOESN'T like me. I tried to act like I couldn't care less, but I do and I don't know how well I sugcided. My friend, Morgan, was talkin' bad about my other friend, Mo, in English today. Morgan was talking to Brad, the guy Mo liked/likes, and said 'How could you kiss her she's ugly!' I wanted to bitch shut your mounth, but I controlled myself and plus I was on the other side of the room and I just happened to hear her said that. Morgan is my friend and all, but she is WAY to snobish, preppy, and loud for her own good. She's always talkin' bad about someone. I bet she even talks bad about me when I'm not around, but I'll probably never know. Really I don't want to know that badly! I'd rather not know and not be hurt. Anyway on a happier note, I've been invirte to go to Kings Island with my friend next week! I so excided! Oh poop, I have a Japanese oral test on Monday over adj. in positive and negitive sentise form! I going to fail. Speaking of failing I got my mid-term today. I got:
C+ in Algebra 1b (crap)
B+ in Biology 1 (thank God)
A in English 9 (shocking)
C in Health (bunch of crap)
A in Band (shocking)
D+ in Japanese (better than I thought)
B+ in World Geography (thank hevans)
Yea so I'm going to get introuble for math, health, and Japanese, but what chya going to do?

4:33pm: The Guy I Like
Like I said before in my last entry the guy I like found out about it and here the story is...
The guy I like at school knows I like him. >.< He knows because I told my friend, Mo, and she went to IRP, which he's in, and said 'I know some one who likes you.' He asked who and she said 'I can't tell you who, but she was in one of your classes last semester and doesn't have any classes with you now.' Well, he gave up, but his friend asked who, after the guy I liked left, and she said I can't tell you. So he asked for hints and one of the hints he asked was 'who did she(I)like before.' So she said the guy's name that I used to like (he didn't know that before) so that didn't work so he started naming names and when he finally said my name Mo turned away and he was like 'It's her! It's her!' So finally she said yea. She told me this yesterday afternoon on the bus and it happened yesterday morning. Well, last night I guess Jamo, the who guess my name, told Brian, the guy I like, that I like him. So this morning in IRP Mo asked Brian if he know after 'it' and he said (keep in mind she and I had no idea he know) 'what about Amber.' She was like 'how did you know.' and he said 'Jamo told me.' When she told me this on the bus today I about DIED! I wanted (and still do) what to kill Jamo.
Ok instead of rewriting it I just took this out of one of my blog I wrote on 3/10/04. Well more about this guy. Today in Biology, one of my friends said that I look cute with my hair down (I never wear my hair down and today I did) she was like 'so is there a special someone?' I said 'I wish.' She said 'I bet there is.' So she spent the next 20 or so minutes guessing who I like and finally she guessed it and was like 'Awww you guys would be so cute together. You two were made for each other.' She said a bunch more, but I started to tone her off. *oops!*

5:55pm: Woah
Wow I haven't written in this since Jan. 8th! I've been busy/stressed most of the time. My life has changed SO much since last time I wrote that you might think I've changed and I have, greatly! I've changed for the better and the worst. I've gained more condense, which is a plus! Which that is allowing me to freely state my opinion more, which is a negative. So, my mom is re-marring in July to a whom I cannot stand and he cannot stand me, but what can ya do? :S I'm doing better in Japanese since last thing I wrote. I've discovered that study for Japanese really does help you out! :D lol! My grades are getting better. I went form having 'A's, 'B's, 'C's, and 'D's to 'B's and 'C's, which I'm still working on as we speak. I'm trying to improve my designing skills and layout skills, which I think I'm doing better at. I've gotten way more friend in a lot more 'groups'. I still can't get a boyfriend. The guy I like found out, I write about that next time. The guy I talked about last time I wrote here moved to Ohio, I live in Indiana. I've realized that I have an eating disorder since last time, but I just can't change my ways. My eating disorder, I think, is just getting worst, but I can't tell my mom because she'll think I just want attention or that I'm crazy. I finally got the courage to tell my mom the I don't believe in God. Now she is making go to church so I will believe again. My panic attacks are back again and they're worst than even. I've had two mental/physical break downs since last time because stress and various other things. I'm have a hard time breathing. And I believe that about sums up whats been going on in my life. I probably skipped a bunch, but what can ya do?

7:10pm: Opps!
I almost forgot about this LJ. Anyway, today was kinda awful and kinda good. I'll start with the bad because that's were it ALL started. Tuesday when we went back to school from break, when I was in band I was talking to three of my friends and were talking to me and they asked me if I ever had a boyfriend and if it was this guy. I said yes to the first part and no to the second part and when I said that I was blushing. So they think I like him. ok today, in IRP I was talking to one of the people I was talking to in band and I said I that I liked that guy last year and at the start of this year. Then on the way to band she saw that guy I was talking about and she told him 'things'. (I don't really know what she said, but he told her to tell me hi.) Well, one of my guy friends was walking with me and he saw me freak out when she came back. Then in English she asked him if he know why I freaked out and he said he did so just to make sure she make him tell her and he was right! Then he said that he like me, too! Well, last year, but who cares. Now I feel like I'm ... I'm ... I don't know missing something like I empty inside. In English this guy over heard me and my friend were talking about how she shouldn't tell anyone else and he keep bugging me about who it was I liked and then almost the whole class was trying to find out. I'm just not going to tell anyone who I like anymore.

4:20pm: Finals = Stress
I had my band final today; the first of seven. Tomorrow I have a World Geography and Biology final. I actually had FUN in Japanese today! We played Fly Swatter to review for the final. I didn't win any of the times I went up, but I tried. Yes, almost all the snow melted, I hate snow because equals COLD! Grrrr ... I HATE coldness and snow! I'm gonna move somewhere warmer when I get older. I was thinking I should move to Japan or maybe Australia! I think it would be different to live in one of those places. It might be even be COOL! [happy dance] Lol ... I'ma dork! My band concert was kinda crappy last night. My clarinet wouldn't play the first half of the first song. It also made a simi-loud squeak! OH NO!! The stupid trumpets play WAY to loud one of the songs. We sight read a new piece in Band after the final was over and we have some weird shizit stuff in it. We had 30 second notes, which are REALLY fast[well for me], and some weird line thing.

12:43pm: Bored
Melch, I'm so bored no one is on aim so I can't talk to anyone! Well, I take that back one person is on, but she is on a cell phone and she lives almost a the other side of the US so I can't talk to her. Whatever. Oh crap, finals are this week and I haven't study at all. I'm know for a fact I'm gonna fail my Japanese final and maybe my Math final. Winter break is also starts this Friday, which is this last day of finals and I all have an English final that day :). Oh crap, my band concert is tomorrow and I don't know all the songs oh poo! Well, I really need to be doing my Japanese and Math homework, but I'd rather just do nothing here on the internet! I don't have those classes until Tuesday so I'll do it Monday after my concert. I love just going form one thing to the next all in one paragraph it is fun. Well, unless it is for so stupidly gay test I gotta take. Grrr ... my stupid [blank] sister grrr ... she makes me mad SOOO [blank] much! She was all like 'Why don't you just go kill yourself no one will miss you?' last night. Then I was like 'Maybe I should.' Then she started to laugh like some stupid homo. Whatever she should just die. My mom stupid [blank] boyfriend ... oops I mean 'friend' is going home Tuesday. I wish he would just fricken die along with various other things. I think I should just move in with my dad. I actually like his girlfriend! He might just be the only one who fricken cares about me!

8:30pm: Firstest
Well, I FINALLY got a LJ! Yayness for me! c: <--- lol! I'm silly! Well ummmm ... yea! I have no idea what eles to write so I'll just randomly write stuff and I don't FRICKEN care! That almost sounded mean ... asif I care! I kid, I kid ... I care ... sometimes ... maybe! LALALALALA ... I'm very bored if you can tell because your stupid.